Andrew

Well…..How did I get here?

In Uncategorized on June 1, 2012 at 1:04 am

Recently, I was looking at pictures of me when I was much younger. Pictures showing me playing baseball and enjoying an afternoon in the bleachers at Wrigley Field while others showing me at a time in my life when I was athletic and active. These pictures reflected a person who weighed 275 pounds and seemed to be in shape and enjoying life. While the underlying reasons that caused me to balloon to my current weight  were present 25 years ago, I hid them well by being active and having a youthful ignorance to what I was doing to my body. These pictures caused me to think about where I have come from and how I arrived to be a 500 pound man. While not a huge fan of the 80’s band the Talking Heads, I was reminded of one of their songs I used to hear on the radio back when I was a slimmer young man. The song, Once In a Lifetime tends to express the feelings I have about my weight in one line when the question is asked, Well…How did I get here?

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
wife
And you may ask yourself-Well…How did I get here?
The song starts out with what appears to be someone who has everything going for him. Someone who came from a shotgun shack to  live in a large, beautiful home. Someone who has a beautiful wife and appears to have everything going for him only to ask, how did I get so lucky and have these great things in my life. The song makes the listener feel that this guy is like the plastic man on the Enzyte commercial who just cannot have that silly smile wiped off his face no matter what happens to him.  But wait…..the song continues….and what does the listener hear?

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?…Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!…WHAT HAVE I DONE?

All of a sudden, that guy who appeared to have everything going for him has realized the paths he chose for his life are not the paths that he really wanted.  Of course he wanted a nice house and of course he wanted the beautiful wife but now he questions the highway he took to get to where he.  He is not only questioning where he has gone, he has woken from the nightmare and screamed…”My God! What have I done??

Maybe it is a mid-life crisis caused by being 48 years old or maybe it is just me taking an inventory of my life that I have recently felt like the man in this song…..My God!  how did I get here. While I have no issues with my wife as I am very much in love with her and, while I would love to own our big, beautiful house I certainly am not upset by our current living arrangements.  I do have to scream my God, how did I get to be 500 pounds and have every aspect of my life be affected by my weight?  Was it the bag of cookies I kept under my car seat when I was a teenager or was it the frozen pizza I treated like an appetizer after working late into the night? Was it all the Little Johns beef combos I ate on lunch break from my job at Montgomery Ward (if you had Little John’s beef combos you would certainly understand)? Or was it a combination of all of these and so much more?  I have come to realize that I have become a man of 500 pounds because of poor eating habits and because of self esteem issues. I was not forced to eat my fruits and vegetables like most children who were coerced into doing in their formative years.  If the vegetable wasn’t a kernel of corn or a potato it wasn’t passing my lips and nobody said anything about it. While I am not naive enough to think that not being forced to eat my vegetables was what made me put on the huge amounts of weight that I have,  I firmly believe that it was this start in life that caused me to become emotionally attached to pastas and breads and not attached to carrots and peas.

While my mind is willing but the body is weak, unless drastic changes are made to lose the weight and learn new habits, I will find myself singing the final lines of the Talking Heads song and waking up every morning screaming….

Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…

 

 

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