I have to confess something…………

In Uncategorized on June 21, 2012 at 3:37 am

I have something to confess and I need everyone who cares about me to hear what I have to say.  It is something I am not proud of but it is something I must confess before friends and family.  This is very hard for me to say but I want to come clean and clear my conscience so that I can move on.  Please don’t judge me as I am not proud of my actions but I just could not help myself.  The thing I need to confess to everyone is that…I have had an affair.  Yes, I had not one but several affairs over the last number of years and it is something I am not proud of so please let me explain.

It started years ago with a simple, knowing look.  We met in the snack aisle of the grocery store.  I couldn’t help myself as I fell instantly for the haunting eyes and the wavy brown hair. She wore a bandana and a cowboy hat that made her look younger than her years but yet, she intrigued me, causing me to be drawn closer.  Yes, I knew she was younger than me but I was a teenager who couldn’t control himself any longer and age would not matter to us. Right there in that aisle, I knew she was going to be going home with me that day. The affair lasted a number of years.  There were trips to the ball game and picnics at the lakefront.  There were lunch breaks, breakfasts and even stolen, late night moments while watching movies in the dark. It was a love affair I knew I could no longer continue yet could not bring myself to end.  After I got married, a confession to my wife exposed my actions and, to my surprise she joined us in the affair.  Late night threesomes were something we came to expect and look forward to.  But eventually, we all knew that our health would be harmed if this affair did not end.  It was decided that, what started as an affair and bloomed into a three way relationship now had to end.  I informed my wife that I would be the one who would break the news to her.

After the affair ended it was difficult at first.  I thought about her whenever I poured a glass of the cold drink we used to share.  Lunch time was no longer exciting as she was not there to provide her sweet comfort during my mid-day break. Late nights no longer held those special moments as she was not there to get me through the scary movie. She seemed to take the ending of our decade’s long affair as well as one might expect. I would see her frequently in the grocery stores, gas stations and even Wal-Mart’s.  She could not withhold that slight smile that originally drew me to her and she seemed to miss me as much as I missed her. She somehow reverted to her youthful looks and was now sporting her cowboy hat that she held so dear early in our relationship. While I had sweet memories of our times together I knew I had to break off any memories of the affair and move on. I knew it was time to avoid her at all cost and regain the life I had lost while participating in this empty love affair.

I am not proud of my actions.  While involved in this affair I had engaged in other relationships that she had no idea were occurring.  There was the red haired girl named Wendy and her friends Suzy-Q and Dolly Madison.  There were quick flings in the Subway that I convinced myself were healthy relationships and I even had an extended relationship with a clown named Ronald that I am most embarrassed about.  While I have given up these toxic relationships that have formed me into the man I am today, I look forward to creating a new me, free of the constraints that these affairs held me to. While I am sure I will change and make a new life for myself and my wife, I will never forget my first love affair with Little Debbie.


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