Andrew

Archive for January, 2013|Monthly archive page

The Epiphany Seat

In Uncategorized on January 9, 2013 at 1:11 am

I am fortunate that for Christmas this year I received Apple TV as a gift from my daughter and son in law. For those of you who have no idea what Apple TV is, it is a device that is connected to your home internet and allows you to stream various online products directly to your home television. YouTube, Hulu and others are just some of the online web sites that a person can watch for free or for a reasonable monthly cost through Apple TV with the opportunities for entertainment being endless. My wife and I have grown attached to watching the show Scrubs from the very beginning of the series and a few nights ago we watched an episode titled “My Porcelain God” in which the Janitor installs a toilet on the roof of the hospital. Now this was a fully operational toilet that had no walls or partitions and nothing but porcelain between the crappee and nature herself. The premise was that the Janitor was able to have uninterrupted time to do his business and allow himself to think in an open air arena on the roof of the hospital without the distractions of life getting in the way of his thought processes. This toilet would eventually be called the epiphany seat because of the undistracted thinking it allowed anyone who sat upon it.

A few days after watching this episode I had the opportunity to occupy my own epiphany seat and do some thinking without the normal interruptions of phones, barking dogs and blaring televisions. While my epiphany seat was not located on the top of a building with an unobstructed view to the sky, I was able to come to a point where I really did have what can be described as an “Aha” moment. You see, as a fat man, I avoid every opportunity to look in a mirror or department store window from which I can see myself as the world sees me. I want to remain the person I see in my head. In my mind I am tall and overweight but not one that is grossly obese or in need of a intervention with Jenny Craig. I am that athletic guy of 25 years ago who, despite his size, played baseball and football with the best of them and was able to work off that whole pizza that I had consumed the night before just by working hard and playing harder. My epiphany came at a time when I really looked at myself, sitting on the mug and realizing that my stomach was huge, I had boobs that women pay surgeons for and I couldn’t see my feet underneath my huge body. As I sat there I realized this was the first time I think I have ever allowed myself to really look at my body like the rest of the world does and not through the filter of my mind’s eye. A flood of shame and embarrassment ran through my mind and a vow to change squeaked across my lips as I pondered this sudden realization. Suddenly the looks and snickers from children and adults alike were better understood and I realized that maybe if I was in their shoes I would probably do the same thing. I no longer resented those who looked at me with disgust but now understood their reaction.

My epiphany came at a time when I didn’t expect it. Sometimes those moments are the best as they jar a person awake and kick them back into reality. A kick in the pants that comes out of the blue has more effect than a kick that one knows is coming. The question is what will I do with this epiphany? Will it cause me to change or will I sink back into my own sense of reality which has caused me to be what I am for all these years? This remains to be seen at this point. But I do know that I really need to start looking at myself in those mirrors and department store windows as a simple reminder that I am not as I seem.

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